Saturday, July 28, 2012

Life is It is as It is


Joy is...
not when the debate of existence is settled;
not when theories are finally proven;
not when the intellectual opponent is dead or put to shame;
not when the judges awarded the winning prize;
not when the Endgame is finally reached.

Joy is while it is as it is.
That is what I call Life!


Friday, July 27, 2012

An Invite to See WHO AM I?


After all the bets had been placed, will you concede that having you here reading this material  is a result of a thrown trillion of trillions of dices up in the air then all landed with faces of 1 up? The probability of that ever happening is negligible but obviously in a rather interesting fashion, you ended up in here against all odds of being in here.

Owing to the rarity of people, or more precisely to say rarity of computers using an internet app that is configured to see this kind of document, plus the vastness of the momentary space-time, being in a fact that you are seeing this thingy means you are  caught and trapped in a cosmic conspiracy to have a look at something of extraordinary nature. The once perfect improbability of finding this kind of internet write-up and once perfectly unknown possibility of being in this exact circumstance has already collapsed. A new dawn of intellectual and spiritual encounter along the way of knowing the true being of existence is already in your front.

The bidding for daily usual activities appears to be as predictable as it could get but here you come in a blink of an eye and before you lies something that is seen as an unexpected deviation from your daily activities like perhaps you should be busy worrying the next pay for the rent or enjoying a chat with friends over a cup of coffee. But I tell you, this is not a deviation from the normal program of the day. You can still enjoy a cup of coffee while reading this. It is just that things, as all other things before growing with them in familiarity, have the unavoidable circumstantial genesis or the one we call “the first experience”. So it is not a deviation in a strict sense but rather just a first taste, a first date, a first slap, a first palpable encounter of something that now begins to confirm what has been hiding beneath your mind for the most part of your life.

Of course you can always opt out, go back to your usual ways, like worrying a lot of things, and close this computer window and never to be here again. But I don’t need to force you to indulge into it if you have the natural itch, not the type that irritates you, to know something. You would come back to it no matter what perhaps not on this same material but in many other forms out there. It is your subconscious boiling up and trust me when I say just relax and let nature, or whatever you want to call it, takes its course.

For now, let me say this is just an invite not that I, or anyone, have chosen you to take part nor you have chosen it yourself to be a part of it but rather just to take part because it has arisen to be so. That is why I called it a cosmic conspiracy. All things obviously connive with each other just to bring you here. All we are doing is celebrating the once completely impossible probability of celebrating it. Oh yes I am only talking about the obvious circumstance that never appeared to you to be possible in any manner before. This is the first taste, a never planned, surprising, and completely unexpected first taste of big things to come.

To See

We are looking for an answer. But first we want to know the question first. Up to now you might be guessing what this is all about. But your indulgence have brought you in a place to see first not what the answer is but what the question is. 

But I am warning you that the question does matter only when at some point in past times of your life you were so honest to have ever asked what is this all about. What is life? What is existence? What the hell am I doing here? Or perhaps you are naturally inclined to deal with things which are beyond the superficial affairs like judging a fellow lady worker how awful her dress was or engaging in gossips about people you hate just to make your own selfishly happy for a moment.

You can resign from here and go back to what you usually do and forget everything you have read so far if you can’t feel a pull from the inside. The pull from the inside is an honest feedback from the subconscious, your inner being, which is not really verbal but just an intuition saying you are worthy to go on honestly beyond this sentence.

The question is: WHO AM I?

The question does matter, doesn’t it? Does it ring a bell inside? I hope it is. Now, I tell you the only way is forward from hereon. You have a choice to stop? None. Not a chance of ever stopping. And you will know why later on.

Monday, July 23, 2012

The Ultimate Answer to the Ultimate Question


Why do we exist? Aha!

Good God..Here we go again. Damn. The deathless question about existence. Why do we exist? Oh brother, how can we ever answer that question?

I think there is no answer. Why? Because it is pathetic asking such. But somehow, asking such question may come as noble as it sounds. This shows a good mark of intelligence to ever come to a place of asking in such a tone. I call it the upper level or the higher consciousness. However, to be stuck in higher consciousness is never a guarantee that one is better than his older self. Asking the question and never finding the answer is still as good as being stuck.

There can never be a complete answer to the question of existence. Perhaps there is a reason why there can't be an answer. Perhaps the question itself is wrong at the first place.

Look. Long time ago, you were born.....sent to school...taught by people around...and then arrived to a moment you can be proud of every knowledge you have accumulated your entire life. But there is a lingering problem. The problem of NEXT. What is next? What is next. Hell. what is next? And it can only be possible to question that way because deep inside you are quite bored. So the next question would naturally arise, the ultimate question, WHY DO WE EXIST?

But then again.....the question is perhaps wrong. The question is false from the onset. What I am saying therefore is to look for the right question first before we can ever hope to find the right answer.

So what is right the question then? Oh damn! That is the answer!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Eureka! They Found the Testicle (God) Particle


Higgs Boson might have been finally found. This is the particle better known as the God Particle.

Higgs Boson or God Particle is known to be the last particle to fit the puzzle how universe started. This is the particle associated with mass or the sense of weight and can be called the gravity particle.

Now scientists say they might have finally found it. Well, good. But you know what, this post yet another problem for them. For sure, one way or another, a bigger question would arise out of the discovery of  Higgs Boson. My best guess is: What does Higgs Boson made of? Sounds so ridiculous is it not? I will wait and see.

But in my own terms, I can't refuse to call God Particle in most practical term I can come up with: The Testicle Particle. I agree it is not as sophisticated as it sounds. But I believe God Particle is the same particle my testicles are made of. If it's not then why my testicles dangle downward at the force of gravity? There is only one answer to that. My testicles must be made up of God Particles. Higgs Boson is what's contained in my scrotum.

Well, seriously, I am happy that humans of my own specie are reaping off the fruits of their tenacity to find where they came from. This only shows humans want to settle for good and hope to cast aside the stubborn problem of creation. I know what is in the head, consciously and subconsciously. That every humans aim is to be happy. Happiness is what motivates every struggle, is it not? And this includes finding what we really are. The Reality.

Happiness is the essence of Life. Nothing brings it perfectly than a man knowing what he is or what reality is. So good luck. The Buddha already pointed out what is it. The scientist just opted to look for it in another way. I am confident man would arrive, after so much scientific experiments, at the place the Buddha had thought for ages.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

The Endgame is not the Goal


The desire to win any challenge, say in a sport, is what exactly motivates every competitor to train really hard. Coaches will demand that every member of their teams must give all what they got at every practice. Setting an objective lesser than winning the top spot is not a good way to start. Winning the top, knocking all the rest who once coveted the same, is what matters most.

However, if winning is calculably impossible, the competitor is expected to give a good fight so that in the end when he look back, though lost the fight, is still considered a winner in a different sense apart from that of the one holding the winning bag.

Looking at it in subtlety, there lies the intent to reach the goal or the endgame not just merely to win it rather more importantly to reach the finish line with high spirit intact knowing there is contentment as to how ample effort has been well executed.

Apparently, the only reason to fight is to be fulfilled. That is the apparent goal, is it not? To be fulfilled. Not necessarily winning it though winning it may come as a big bonus in itself. The closest motivation is to have that sense of fulfillment at the end.

But there is a problem. If the goal is expected to be found at the endgame, why is it still necessary to spend an effort in competing while under the regulation of time, ie. 4 ten-minute quarters for basketball? Why not just use the classic head and tail game to determine the winner? The reason is perfectly simple that the Endgame is not really the Goal. Much like in an orchestra which is not aimed at banging the last note but rather playing the entire music beautifully, the goal is not found at the end of the game rather the goal is the game while it is being played.

In all wisdom, there is no goal at the end of every challenge. The goal is itself to remain playing as long it is required to go on playing. And because playing is itself the goal, the execution is always perfectly fulfilling because it comes as it is so spontaneously.  That is when the true winner emerges. The dance didn't aim for the last step. The dance number is aimed at the dance itself.

Same thing is true with Life. That is why the Buddha emphasized his teachings not on desires and goals rather on the present play of the moment That is the beauty of realizing that the goal of life is never at the end of the tunnel; never when men will find out where they came from or where they are headed; never when Higgs-Boson particle confirms the Creation or Big Bang; or never when String Theory of Everything  is confirmed to be true.

Now is the Goal. Now is the Endgame. Nothing else.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Guilt by Orgasm: A Wanker's Confession


When I was a teenager, I used to masturbate a lot everyday. My record is seven in one day. And I did get blisters on my penis. And when I shower and begun to use the soap, oh man, that really hurt a lot. But then at every chance in every corner I can find, my hand seems to have its own brain to wank my thing. Jacking-off is often the menu of the day back then.

I was a religious kid and a devoted member of a Christian sect. Every after masturbation I would pray for forgiveness of the sin (which I was thought it is) I have just committed. Imagine it's kinda a meal prayer before every meal. In my case I got it reversed. Jack-off first then pray. But then I grew bored. No. Not on masturbation. Rather, I got bored praying. So eventually I stopped praying and got myself into a masturbation spree everyday for a long time.

Honestly I don't masturbate anymore. Well, uhhhmmmm, I just lied. I still play my own thing. But minus the pray part already and certainly not as frequent. I am already a married man.

My focus now is to tackle the pray part. What made me did the praying? The answer is SIN. Inside every Christian church, I believe, there is a crusade happening. A crusade against lust. Lust is considered as a sin and could amount a ticket to Hell if someone dies with his lustful sins.

Sexual desire is considered lust by the church leaders. And since masturbation is an exhibition of this "sin", this activity should not be tolerated in order for followers to inherit the physical place called Heavens. With the promise of inheriting the Heavens in mind of every Church member, including me, everyone must weigh in themselves what habits they would choose. One is to jack-off or not to jack-off. As for ladies, the term jack-off is not appropriate. Their thing is too delicately small. It is more of like of stroking or fingering. But everything amounts to the same habit called masturbation.


The pray part was necessary for me to wash away my sin. I was taught that way. The rule is simple. everyone must have a clean life. And at moment it can't be done, asking for forgiveness is a very important. Violating the rule will result in the automatic feeling of guilt. This guilt feeling is not a good sensation. It is like cursing the own self why it did something it believes should not have done. Guilt was the reason why I did pray every after ejaculation. I need to feel free of guilt of violating a rule of clean living. But that's before.

Sexual Desire a Sin?

Come to think of it. Why does sexual desire have to called a sin? On what axiom they based that assertion? Stealing your neighbor's wife might be obviously offensive to her husband (but glorious to her) and worth a guillotine But hey what you gonna think about while wanking? A female martian? Trying to imagine how a martian vagina looks like would be a huge problem.

Since masturbation includes only a desire, as opposed to getting a quickie with a neighbor's lady, I can't imagine why some people would think sexual desire is not as natural as desiring for food when one is hungry. Humans got to be consistent on this one.

Masturbation is a Sin?

If masturbation is a sin, that would be the biggest reason why I will never stop doing it. My short answer is NO. 

Orgasm is the feeling associated whenever the one masturbating reach the peak of the activity. That is when the mind is blank, the tongue is tied, the eyeballs are tilted in abnormal direction, the jaw is locked, and the testicle is in its most contracted state. I forgot to mention the semen shooting out. Most of these conditions appear at every peak whether in masturbation or having a partner or having a wet dream. My question would then be: At what point does orgasm is different in each of the cases? NONE. Again, humans got to be consistent on this one.

I think I have amply justified why I need no prayers to wash away my sins after masturbating. There is no sin. Besides, sin is just a concept. What I need is a clean napkin to wipe my semen off.

I Am Aware, Therefore I Exist


I Am Aware, therefore I exist. Of course these are just words. I couldn't have possibly coined them in such fashion without first learning the language. Institutionalized learning also taught me to adhere to grammatical conventions.

No other question have ever bugged me my entire life than the question WHO AM I? I have desperately tried to look for an answer for a long long time. This is the question of existence itself. And I believe there is nothing more productive in life than to contemplate on this stubborn question.

The debate about existence is superficially deep in any side you will look it from. In every manner there is no escape from the fundamental deception posited in the Fallacy of Misplaced Concreteness, wherein conceptual framework is wholly taken as real i.e. resorting to words and intellect (which are products of conventions) and then struggling to explain reality (which is wordless) using these lingual conventions.

Intellect can infinitely assign labels for anything under the sun. There are words allotted for groups, races, preferences, color, degree of pleasure and pain and so on. The intellectual database has a vast array of concepts which can be used to refer to anything. Description is indeed ample.

But the problem is that words can only tell about something. It is not the thing. Words are dual in nature. A word is exclusive for something only. The dilemma then comes when one tries to look for one grand term to refer to the Groups of all groups. What term would that be? Reality? Nothingness? Everything? God? All-encompassing? Big electron? It can't be possible. Most of what we can end up to is surrender to the fundamentally simple idea that there is no term sufficient in itself to describe the one thing we can't.

So what is next?

The answer is intriguing. To put it as honestly as I can, there is NONE. But wait. Verbally it is none. The answer being sought is not another word, not another thought, and not another concept. The answer of WHO AM I? is nothing but an intuition

The answer is so simple. There can be no other way I can do anything without first being aware. Putting in a simpler manner, I can't be in here mumbling without first waking up in the morning. If I didn't, then I am not here. Since the only vantage point that can be verifiably true is my own standpoint and though onlookers may protest they have their own too, I can only assume that they have and there is no way for me to be in their space-time location to prove it. The thing is I am just aware. Nothing more. 

Therefore, to amply satisfy the mind I am cursed to use yet another insufficient term called Awareness. Thus,

I Am Aware, Therefore I Exist or I Am Aware, Therefore I Am .

Mind is an Unending Rebuttal to Life.


Mind will cease? It will not
It will not until you rot.
Dream loving, love dreaming
But it won't come until it's done.

When it's done and sure it will
What would be left of that resounding fear?
None is seen as troublesome
As when fear is there, still undone.

But come and see the gods invite
You eat with them, partake with might.
Devour the flesh of thickened clout
Then gather the self from inside out.

Mind is an unending rebuttal to Life.
That's the Punishment.
But when seen as That.
Oh boy, that's the Paradise you've been looking for!