As God to the Mind, so as Soda to a Cave Dweller

As God to the Mind, so as Soda to a Cave Dweller

Isolated tribe

The question about the existence of God is not really a problem. It is just a subject of curiosity

If a city dweller will asks an isolated Amazon tribesman how a Cocacola tastes like, the former would look stupider than the latter. But what really happens is that the dweller's curiosity will be aroused. Haven't heard of that shit. Haven't aware of it in his whole life. The city dweller must have brought one for that man. And his curiosity will be satisfied.

The question about the existence of God fires-up curiosity too in a larger scale. It may take a whole life to live with that curiosity and that curiosity becoming a burden and struggle in itself in finding the answer. Because there would be no one bringing an answer like that city dweller. And then suddenly you stumble upon the hint of the answer that you shouldn't have come across that question at the first place. Aha!

And then you surrender that you just can't do anything about it. And there you go, you already found the answer.

The E Question

The E Question

Too many questions. Countless. But there is only one which says it all: The E Question. Yes, the Existence Question. It only morphed into a multitude of forms, appeal and relevance. But they have the same root of itch. 

What am I doing here? 

Who am I?

Who are you? 

Where did I come from?

How did all things begin?

...and a lot more....

The question about existence comes in various ways. These questions basically ask the same thing, or express the same problem and expect to get the same answer. The answer being sought is hoped to finally end all questions. There is no bug as great as that elusive answer.

MonkeySocietyblog: What is MonkeySociety?

MonkeySocietyblog: What is MonkeySociety?

MonkeySocietyblog is an attempt to spread the message of individual liberty using the kind of spirituality the Buddha had taught people in ages.

MonkeySociety is a metaphor for a backward-thinking society. The term "backward thinking society" is a vague idea. There is no clear calibration from where the "backward" thing can be seen to begin. But there is an unwritten rule for it I think. A rule that can't be well described and expected not to be agreed upon by all men. It means only one thing and that is it uniquely depends on the person making such evaluation. In my case, it is I who holds the idea how backward my society is. In my viewpoint shall reside the basis of judgment when to call my society a backward society or in this blog's theme, a MonkeySociety.

Much of what's to be said in this blog is just an image of me and not of anyone else. Though it may appear  MonkeySociety is a group of people I wish myself not to be associated with, the paradox would be it is myself that is being described in all of its subtlety.

What Came First? Chicken or Egg

What Came First? Chicken or Egg

There is no doubt. The problem about existence or the problem of origin of everything can be clamped down into one of the simplest questions of all time: which one came first, chicken or egg? 

Stalemate is the current status of the matter . The unyielding egg camp is yet to yield to the equally unyielding chicken camp. And with the rate by which the intellectual battle goes on, it is sad to say that the future of the discourse is a dead end. The fate of the case in hand will be sealed without satisfaction.

But there is a way out: Question the question. Doubt the question. Away from the usual expectation that an answer can be found to satisfy every question, or every question is expected to yield an answer, a new approach must be introduced if men are that sincere to find the ultimate answer to the ultimate question of existence. The E-question, or existence question, must be dealt with not in a manner like when one needs trivial answers to trivial questions.

Existence is an Axiom

Existence is an Axiom

Axiom is a premise of reasoning solidly backed only by itself as sanctioned by experience. It is a self-evident statement; a proposition assumed to be true without the burden of proving it. And at times it is tried to be disproved, the attempt only presupposes its validity.

"I, this whole me, exist" is a classic example of a non-disprovable statement. It relies on the felt experience that it is so. And no other proof is necessary to assert that it is so. The attempt to disprove it, ie. the words "I don't exist", contradicts the very experience or feeling of being existent.

Perhaps existence is the grandest axiom forgotten as such. Everyone have this inherent feeling that he or she exists. This the deeply-rooted but supposed to be the most obvious feeling of presence, of being here, of being alive. But most are consumed in outward things like clothes, foods, friends, status, families, cosmetics, feelings, experiences. and worries that they forgot the very thing that makes everything possible - the fact of being here and now. 

Men have forgotten that their true identity is the wholeness of everything at every moment. The cosmic amnesia has brought all sorts of suffering to humans. They strongly embrace the identity which they call "I" or "me". And with the act of keeping their identities intact comes the suffering brought by the struggle to keep it. And with this, everyday there goes the ego olympics where everyone is trying to outrun everybody else hoping that by doing such would make them fulfilled, loved by everybody, sought by everybody thus making the identity more solid and more self-fulfilling and leaving the fear of being left out at bay. Even worse is when one tries to outrun himself.

Existence is an axiom because it is as it is. The suffering felt can only be brought by the mistaken identity that we are discrete individual apart from everybody else. Apart from people around, apart from trees, from insects and animals, apart from falling leaves, from clouds, from dust and mud, from soil and rocks, from seas and river, from crimes and corruptions, from crooked politicians, from pious fellows, from gurus and students, from concrete blocks, from air, from oxygen and pollution, and literally apart from everything. However, if one comes to realization that everything at this moment is the perfect conspiracy of the wholeness itself, no more there will be a suffering brought by continuous struggle to keep the idea of "myself".

Even the idea that there is a Creator or God or gods that created the universe is no longer relevant if one understands the wholeness of everything. The concept of creator is not important except as a worthwhile alternative for men to keep in their heads while the axiomatic nature of existence is yet to be recognized. Once life is understood, that it is void of beginning and end, the idea about a God that is discretely apart from creation will vanish. What remains is the recognition that life is itself the very God we are trying to seek.

Struggle may bring something until you feel it is already boring struggling.

Insanity: The only art that really matters

Insanity: The only art that really matters

An insane man believes he is normal as that other man who never believes he is insane. Then what's the difference between the two? None if they don't argue. But even if they did argue, what hope someone would concede if you were the other man? Still none. 

Insanity is an independent art. It is a whole by itself. Not to depend a second man or a third man's opinion. Not even the whole society against it. It is your insanity against all odds. And you've beaten them all before they can even muster a fight. 

Who is to argue against an insane man? He is as normal as everybody who lay claim on the same? They have their own brands. Each unique brand for every unique man. That is why it is unbeatable. You have to give up life to give it up. Not in this lifetime. You are alive and insane and there is nothing can be done about it. Not even hell. The Satan bows down before an insane man. The gods respects his views. Who can beat an insane man? No one and nothing. He is always right though always wrong for others. But he doesn't care. He is a solid man in his own and by his own. All outside murmurs are like bubbles ready to pop before his presence. He is what he is. An insane man owning the whole world can 'go-do' no wrong. 

Embracing insanity is what makes a man free. This is a no-mind business. Likewise it is a mind-your-own-business no technology can comprehend. Doesn't care anything but its own insanity. The whole of the worlds is owned. By him. And he couldn't care less what is not-what from him. Insanity is his own whole being; his whole own love; his whole own existence. 

Insanity is an art of being. The only characteristic of existence there is. No one can beat it. It drives its own. It survives in its own even when the whole world is dissolved in fronts of its eyes. There is only insanity and never been of any other kind. It has its own absolute calibration. Nothing to compromise. Nothing to give out. Nothing to sacrifice.

An insane man is holy. And the rest are just junkie puff of smokes. He is the only true confident existence while others are just beating the bush. Oh this is insanity and this is me.

The Fear of Losing Control

The Fear of Losing Control

To begin with, there is no YOU. And if you hear this from your already enlightened understanding of it, that statement would be a no big deal at all. You just know that it is true even apparently in contradiction to what has been said in your lifetime that there is you; action thus there must be actor; verb thus there must be a subject. 

However, for a man who is still tied up with the idea of doership, the ‘there is no you’ idea is utterly ridiculous - a seemingly huge dose of illogical shock that a mind has no way to absorb. But there will be always a point in time that an understanding will be revealed: that there is just “happening” happening by itself and there is no one forcing it to be done. 

So, for the sake of talking let us come to deconstruct why there is a natural refusal to accept the idea that there is no one doing anything. And perhaps there is a big hope to pinpoint the source from where the natural repulsion comes from. 

The culprit can be traced from the conditioning which started from childhood. Parents assigned a name for you and you thought your name is you. Dynamically, you and your society forged a personality of you. This personality is the fixed blueprint by which you and the society negotiate with each other. And it is no surprise that the dealing is so far so good thus strengthening even more the idea that your established personality is all that there is. You have no slight suspicion that something is wrong. You are an individual. You project to be so and you are in a comfortable assumption that your society acknowledges it to be so. Until someone pointed you out that your well-held identity is a phony one. And you just can’t swallow it. 

Obviously, the idea that there is nobody doing anything is the last thing most people would consider. Why? Fear or perhaps the absurd thought of it. For aside from being an extremely unconventional idea, it also threats the very sense a man has of himself; his self-established identity, his name, his personality, his I-ness from that of the others, or his ego. What crime could be a greater than turning against own self? So no, there is no hope that a man would readily surrender to the idea that there is no actor of the action; no doer of the doing; or no initiator of the happening. The idea that there is no one doing everything is an offense against the seemingly solid, compact, unshakable sense of being an individual. . In short, it is against the root of one’s pride, the ego, the me, the I, the myself etc. And every man is apparently strongly clinging to this sense of individuality. 

Being an individual gives the thought of being in control. The idea that there is no one doing everything is dreadful. It brings annihilation to anyone’s identity. An individual clings to his identify much like clinging for his life. Losing identity means death. So everyone is afraid to lose control. Having the grip to the feeling of control is what makes-up every man, he thinks so. Identity is resolved unto itself: to take hold of the control. It is a must to stay in control. Or else…. 

But first, what is thing we call control? Why almost all of us are consumed by the idea that we ought to have at least a control over anything foremost of it is the control of ourselves? 

We are afraid of disorder that is why we think we need to have a control. The feeling that we have control makes us whole. This gives us reassurance that our existence is solid and not a product of some random whims of nature. We basically don’t like the idea that we are bunch of nothing. We are always something. We are conscious matter. And so as to negate the idea that we are nobody, we are in constant battle to affirm our control. 

However, the degree by which we believe we have control is also the degree by which we are consumed in an illusion that we have control over anything. If you come to a situation wherein a chocolate candy is in your mouth and you decide to either chew or melt it, you may say that you have a control on the fate of the chocolate candy in your mouth. But the question is, how do you often caught your self deciding whether to chew or melt the chocolate candy in your mouth before consuming it? What about for all other kinds of foods, or for all other kinds of actions? Do you always take time deciding first how you are going to do what? I bet you don’t and you can’t. But isn’t true that things are always accomplished as they should be, with or without your conscious effort for it to be done? Things happen not with your permission but there is a whole lot bigger indeterminable conspiracy than what you limitedly think you do which makes things go as they are. Everything just happens by itself. 

In analysis, the idea that you have control is a phony feeling amidst the vastness of everything-ness happening around. And perhaps control is nothing but just a contracted state brought upon by yet another idea that you are an individual. You think you are an independent entity capable of autonomous decision thus this feeling of control over things that you feel you have autonomy with. 

What is true is that the fear of losing control is very much tied up with the fear losing the identity you have. You are not actually in fear of losing control. At the root of it is your fear of losing yourself. You think you will be dissolved, and the mere thought of it is a repulsive one. You simply don’t like it. You strongly believe you are an individual and you ought to be kept that way. 

Which brings us to the deeper quest of finding out who we really are. Who is this something in us that is afraid of losing the control? Who is this within us that is afraid of losing itself? Who are we? Who am I? What am I? Thus, you now have your own legendary journey of finding who you are. Who am I? Yet…..but who is asking? 

Why do I Exist?

Why do I Exist?

I am aware, therefore I exist.
I am aware, therefore I seem to exist.
I am, therefore I
I am, therefore seemingly I.
I am.

What else could it be?
If I didn't wake-up, how to tell what?

~ Erro

What you are looking for is what is looking.

What you are looking for is what is looking.

St Francis of Assisi said, "What you are looking for is what is looking." It could mean different to a lot of people. Example, for a Christian whose belief is on monotheism, the statement would mean a pious understanding that god is looking after his creation and there should be no cause of worry at the part of his creatures. However, for a mystic, the words embodies a wider understanding of reality, wherein the Truth can't be ascribed from what we are trying to grasp. 

When we try to look for something missing, say a pen, we imagine the pen must be somewhere else apart from us and hidden from our sight. Apparently, in trying to find the pen we always have the notion of: 

                     1. the individual seeking the pen

                     2. the pen

                     3. the act of seeking the pen

And we might find the pen after a while and we call the seeking over. The notion of seeking (having the seeker or subject, the object being sought, and the act of seeking) is strongly in our heads as a necessary connection to implement the seeking successfully. Then we apply this seemingly effective strategy in looking for the thing we call the Truth. We have the Seeker, the Seeking and the Truth. And then we hope the Truth can be finally revealed just as the pen was successfully located.

Ain't happening that way......

Going back to what St Francis said, the same can be reworded to say, "What you've seeking for is already where you're seeking from". Having said this, the words simply mean that the Truth we are seeking is not somewhere out there. The Truth is already at the location and time where we are seeking from. The Here and Now. The Truth is no other than the presence felt and not the imagined object apart from what is already is at the very instance of every looking.

So, when we say we are the Seeker Seeking the Truth, the very same conception is the culprit of it all.  The Truth can only be revealed if we cease on our earnest seeking. There is no other moment other than the sense of now-ness. The Seeker, Seeking and Truth is just one. Everything else is just a concept.

The Purpose of Life

The Purpose of Life

No one said that the prescription should be serious. The whole pill is never meant to bring you to utter seriousness as to what the purpose of life really is. You often encounter the term "a purpose-driven life" seriously pertaining to stuffs to attain happiness, a character of life in which there imagined to dwell the undying bliss of living. And then you go on to a strict regimen of following the prescription to happiness forgetting along the way the first and only essence of life and happiness which is already here and now. 

Happiness is not a goal in the end of the line. It is not the last bang of the gong in an orchestral presentation. Not when you're finished licking your favorite icecream; not when you're done with your orgasm; not when your hated neighbor is already dead or your in-grown nails have been removed. Happiness is the music along the music itself rugged or clean, rough or smooth, annoying or cool. If happiness is found at the end, then all people should already be happy by now. But no, because happiness is not at the end of the tunnel. Happiness is along the tunnel.

The purpose of life is not to be serious at finding out what the purpose of life really is. It is to live at this moment. Do not desecrate this moment by imagining there should be another kind of moment. There is none.  If you happen to find the purpose of life, what are you going to do with it? Parade it? Running around naked, shouting eureka? Looking down on people for not finding their happiness as you think you  just did?

The "purpose of life" is just a trick of the mind; a poetic language to deceive self from feeling the presence; a pious statement which belies the present moment in exchange of still inexistent notions and expectations. 

What is Enlightenment?

What is Enlightenment?

Tackling Enlightenment will always be a Lie for me. So I was hesitant at first to spout words what it is. But seeing that the word Lie has never been lesser nor greater than the concept of Enlightenment, for these two are mere ideas, I came to juggle thoughts about enlightenment with joy in me that there is no harm and no benefit, no loss and no take to be made. Make no mistake because the play of juggling is no more than like when birds sing or when trees move with the wind with no desire whatsoever. It is just is.

So what is enlightenment? Enlightenment is a realization that there is nothing to be understood; there is no place to arrive at; and there is no goal to be achieved. It is to see that there is no other moment other than what your presence shows it is. It is to grasp that you can never be where you are not. Is to embrace the fact that you can never go to where you are now.

Understanding enlightenment may require you to decipher the underlying crypt on a lot of concepts about time and space. Time concepts like Now, Present, Past, Future, wrong time, right time, untimely, in a short while, a little while, yesterday and a lot more. Space concepts includes, here, there, where, far, near, center and many more. You will come to understand that these concepts no matter how varying they may seem at first always converge into a single point of the mind. Everything is just a thought. Without a thought arising, there can never be any concepts at all. But there will always be a vantage position no words can be used to describe it. This will show you that everything you think, glamorous or not, sad or happy, terrible, horrible, glorious or hell, including your idea of who you are, are nothing but mere thoughts. What remains is the only the sense you exist in which rationalization is never required at all.

If you are confined alone in a perfectly dark box that no slit of light can enter, no glare of day can appear, you will still feel that you are there. You have the perfect sense you are there. It can never be otherwise. You just know you exist. And you don't have to interpret that you indeed exist.

Understanding the concept of Now may also bring the understanding of Enlightenment. Now is not the same as Present. Now contains the moment of Present. Now is the Presence, the Awareness wherein Present passes by. Enlightenment is therefore an understanding that awareness is all there is. What appears before your awareness are mere happenings wherein it can never be possible to be aware of without awareness first. What appears  is not a separate phenomenon from you being aware of it. Your awareness is what makes the happenings possible. Without your awareness, how can we tell what? Reading this piece can never be possible if you did not wake up from your last sleep.  And there is no way for you to know that this piece exists while you're on bed lying dead. How can you know?  It is not even possible to know what does it feels like doing something else than what you  are perfectly doing right now. So, you are just an awareness.

Enlightenment is to see that we are not what we think we are. You, I, Me, Us, They, Them, Mine, We are just thoughts. What we think we are are just thoughts, like all other thoughts which passes by while we are aware of it. What then? Answering that will bring in more thoughts. Discover it for yourself.

If you think enlightenment is to always feel nice, you got it right until you see it clearly that you got it wrong. Go inside you and see that enlightenment is a feelingless Feeling; choiceless Choice and a selfless Self. 

We All Want to be Happy

We All Want to be Happy

Just be.

Objects of consumption can't be marketed without exploiting the human's idea of pleasure, contentment, and happiness. The element of improved well-being always comes in. To buy the product, people must be enticed to believe that the product they are about to buy is a well-packaged pleasure and happiness. People would not pay attention without the anticipated satisfaction upon consumption.

The nature of men is often baffling yet the reason behind it is very simple: all men wanted to be happy. Who would want to live in misery? The lingering dissatisfaction drives a man to act for good for himself. The sense of incompleteness pushes a man not to be idle in pursuing what might bring him pleasure or what might end his misery. That woman craving for beautifully crafted clothes, that child wanting his favorite ice cream, that neighbor who is about to hang himself to death, that rich old man who is about to pay for a young lady he can have sex with tonight and that evil dictator committing genocide to keep his power are all manifestations that men wanted to be happy. All men wanted to make themselves feel complete. 

Our nature is to be happy. However, humans are trapped in the idea that happiness can be achieved through the satisfaction of desires. So they try to acquire anything they think can give them what they want and then live happily ever after with it. But that is impossible. The fulfillment of desires may bring a sense of completeness but that ends sooner or later. To be totally happy, the only way is to realize that anything gained will only last in a short while.

True happiness can't reside on or in anything. What was gained will be lost. What was acquired will be dissolved. What was born will meet death soon. Happiness can't even reside in anyone. How can then true happiness stay? True happiness can only stay when it is realized that we are happiness itself. That is why it can't even reside in us because it is already us. The thought of incompleteness may persists but it is only in and by the mind. Without the mind struggling what happiness ought to be, there would be total happiness. True happiness is not even the idea of absence of sadness. It is beyond the idea of happiness. We are beyond the mind.

An Invite to See WHO AM I?

An Invite to See WHO AM I?

After all the bets had been placed, will you concede that having you here reading this material  is a result of a thrown trillion of trillions of dices up in the air then all landed with faces of 1 up? The probability of that ever happening is negligible but obviously in a rather interesting fashion, you ended up in here against all odds of being in here.

Owing to the rarity of people, or more precisely to say rarity of computers using an internet app that is configured to see this kind of document, plus the vastness of the momentary space-time, being in a fact that you are seeing this thingy means you are  caught and trapped in a cosmic conspiracy to have a look at something of extraordinary nature. The once perfect improbability of finding this kind of internet write-up and once perfectly unknown possibility of being in this exact circumstance has already collapsed. A new dawn of intellectual and spiritual encounter along the way of knowing the true being of existence is already in your front.

The bidding for daily usual activities appears to be as predictable as it could get but here you come in a blink of an eye and before you lies something that is seen as an unexpected deviation from your daily activities like perhaps you should be busy worrying the next pay for the rent or enjoying a chat with friends over a cup of coffee. But I tell you, this is not a deviation from the normal program of the day. You can still enjoy a cup of coffee while reading this. It is just that things, as all other things before growing with them in familiarity, have the unavoidable circumstantial genesis or the one we call “the first experience”. So it is not a deviation in a strict sense but rather just a first taste, a first date, a first slap, a first palpable encounter of something that now begins to confirm what has been hiding beneath your mind for the most part of your life.

Of course you can always opt out, go back to your usual ways, like worrying a lot of things, and close this computer window and never to be here again. But I don’t need to force you to indulge into it if you have the natural itch, not the type that irritates you, to know something. You would come back to it no matter what perhaps not on this same material but in many other forms out there. It is your subconscious boiling up and trust me when I say just relax and let nature, or whatever you want to call it, takes its course.

For now, let me say this is just an invite not that I, or anyone, have chosen you to take part nor you have chosen it yourself to be a part of it but rather just to take part because it has arisen to be so. That is why I called it a cosmic conspiracy. All things obviously connive with each other just to bring you here. All we are doing is celebrating the once completely impossible probability of celebrating it. Oh yes I am only talking about the obvious circumstance that never appeared to you to be possible in any manner before. This is the first taste, a never planned, surprising, and completely unexpected first taste of big things to come.

To See

We are looking for an answer. But first we want to know the question first. Up to now you might be guessing what this is all about. But your indulgence have brought you in a place to see first not what the answer is but what the question is. 

But I am warning you that the question does matter only when at some point in past times of your life you were so honest to have ever asked what is this all about. What is life? What is existence? What the hell am I doing here? Or perhaps you are naturally inclined to deal with things which are beyond the superficial affairs like judging a fellow lady worker how awful her dress was or engaging in gossips about people you hate just to make your own selfishly happy for a moment.

You can resign from here and go back to what you usually do and forget everything you have read so far if you can’t feel a pull from the inside. The pull from the inside is an honest feedback from the subconscious, your inner being, which is not really verbal but just an intuition saying you are worthy to go on honestly beyond this sentence.

The question is: WHO AM I?

The question does matter, doesn’t it? Does it ring a bell inside? I hope it is. Now, I tell you the only way is forward from hereon. You have a choice to stop? None. Not a chance of ever stopping. And you will know why later on.

The Ultimate Answer to the Ultimate Question

The Ultimate Answer to the Ultimate Question

Why do we exist? Aha!

Good God..Here we go again. Damn. The deathless question about existence. Why do we exist? Oh brother, how can we ever answer that question?

I think there is no answer. Why? Because it is pathetic asking such. But somehow, asking such question may come as noble as it sounds. This shows a good mark of intelligence to ever come to a place of asking in such a tone. I call it the upper level or the higher consciousness. However, to be stuck in higher consciousness is never a guarantee that one is better than his older self. Asking the question and never finding the answer is still as good as being stuck.

There can never be a complete answer to the question of existence. Perhaps there is a reason why there can't be an answer. Perhaps the question itself is wrong at the first place.

Look. Long time ago, you were born.....sent to school...taught by people around...and then arrived to a moment you can be proud of every knowledge you have accumulated your entire life. But there is a lingering problem. The problem of NEXT. What is next? What is next. Hell. what is next? And it can only be possible to question that way because deep inside you are quite bored. So the next question would naturally arise, the ultimate question, WHY DO WE EXIST?

But then again.....the question is perhaps wrong. The question is false from the onset. What I am saying therefore is to look for the right question first before we can ever hope to find the right answer.

So what is right the question then? Oh damn! That is the answer!

I Am Aware, Therefore I Exist

I Am Aware, Therefore I Exist

I Am Aware, therefore I exist. Of course these are just words. I couldn't have possibly coined them in such fashion without first learning the language. Institutionalized learning also taught me to adhere to grammatical conventions.

No other question have ever bugged me my entire life than the question WHO AM I? I have desperately tried to look for an answer for a long long time. This is the question of existence itself. And I believe there is nothing more productive in life than to contemplate on this stubborn question.

The debate about existence is superficially deep in any side you will look it from. In every manner there is no escape from the fundamental deception posited in the Fallacy of Misplaced Concreteness, wherein conceptual framework is wholly taken as real i.e. resorting to words and intellect (which are products of conventions) and then struggling to explain reality (which is wordless) using these lingual conventions.

Intellect can infinitely assign labels for anything under the sun. There are words allotted for groups, races, preferences, color, degree of pleasure and pain and so on. The intellectual database has a vast array of concepts which can be used to refer to anything. Description is indeed ample.

But the problem is that words can only tell about something. It is not the thing. Words are dual in nature. A word is exclusive for something only. The dilemma then comes when one tries to look for one grand term to refer to the Groups of all groups. What term would that be? Reality? Nothingness? Everything? God? All-encompassing? Big electron? It can't be possible. Most of what we can end up to is surrender to the fundamentally simple idea that there is no term sufficient in itself to describe the one thing we can't.

So what is next?

The answer is intriguing. To put it as honestly as I can, there is NONE. But wait. Verbally it is none. The answer being sought is not another word, not another thought, and not another concept. The answer of WHO AM I? is nothing but an intuition

The answer is so simple. There can be no other way I can do anything without first being aware. Putting in a simpler manner, I can't be in here mumbling without first waking up in the morning. If I didn't, then I am not here. Since the only vantage point that can be verifiably true is my own standpoint and though onlookers may protest they have their own too, I can only assume that they have and there is no way for me to be in their space-time location to prove it. The thing is I am just aware. Nothing more. 

Therefore, to amply satisfy the mind I am cursed to use yet another insufficient term called Awareness. Thus,

I Am Aware, Therefore I Exist or I Am Aware, Therefore I Am .

 .