Saturday, June 16, 2012

My Early Journey to Here and Now


Mooji said, "I can never tell you who or what I AM. I can only tell you what I AM NOT".

For you who happens to stumble on this, you will feel in your heart what is it that you're reading. I don't need to explain because you will know it in yourself what we are trying to get into.  I want to tell the story how did I arrive here. Simple story. This may serve something or may serve not.

When I was young my Christian parents taught me to believe in God. I did well at it. I served in various church groups of equally God-believing youths. I believed that there was someone who sits in heavenly throne looking and taking care of us.

Everything changed after few years. Out of logical reasons, I came to a point I rejected the existence of God and was once even called evil by a church elderly. For several years, I was agnostic about this thing called God and Church. But never again spent a time debating with anyone who professed he's a die-hard fan of God. I kept my new-found "religion"  on my own. My parents tried to convince me to come back to the "flock", referring to the Church, but I had to politely ignore it by saying I will when time comes.

Then an unforgettable experience came several years after, one early morning while I was still on bed. I thought I was dreaming. I felt like I was pulled up by an intense vortex of blissful sensation. The color was sky blue. And the ecstasy was swirling in an unexplainable serenity. After that I spent one week of strange spiritual high. No problems just pure joy and happiness throughout the day for a week.

When the sensation had gone, I wondered what it was. So I begun to do some research about it to get back at it. My first key words at Google was "how to attain blissfulness". I encountered lots of new ideas like meditation music and guides, i-Doser sounds, etc; then Yoga and Buddha things. And slowly every thing fall in to each own place until I was directed into a website where I first met my online guru Mooji.

Last thing I know is that I am asking this question "WHO AM I?". I think, my self-searching really started on this question. The question was so simple but magical in nature for me. I was drawn into it. And this mind cannot resist to have the enquiry like a wheel that is going on an on an on.

And now here I am......an ardent self-searcher. WHO AM I? You... who are you?

The Devil is my Friend


The Outcast
I never had a desire to be holy. But if I do I would do it in a rather unconventional way. Befriend first the one thing that people have thought they hate for ages. THE DEVIL.

Well, I tell you what, loving the devil might be the best thing I can ever do in my life. I have the stomach to do it. I got good guts. If I want holy exemplars, history has lots to show. But they are not the ones I will emulate. I have already chosen the one I think has appeal to me:

There are lots of reason I should have rejected the devil at the first place. But as I see it, it would be unproductive and uninteresting for me to indulge in outright holiness without first tasting what people thought they know a lot but in truth know a little about.

The Devil or Outcast One is the receiving end of all blames why a prostitute kills the fetus inside her; or a central banker cheating people with his fractional reserve system; or a politician paying lip service for things that ought to be done. However, after all what's been said and done, the Outcast One is the less understood one. The Devil is thought to have already been comprehended crystal clear as an unwanted guy and thus needed to be avoided and be cursed. Yet, its nature being cast in the shadows, the Devil at the same time remains as a symptom of people's ignorance on what they are up against with.

Here is the spoiler. The Devil doesn't exists! It doesn't look like you can make a census count of it. You know why? Because the mind is the Devil itself. That is why it is less understood.

Having said that, let me go back to the main topic about how holiness can be attained through the Devil.

Holiness should not come about as a product of an effort to practice it outright everyday. Holiness will  come as an spontaneous effect of a clear understanding of the contrast. And this is why the Devil appropriately enters the scene. It is for me, for no other reason, to know first what is the Devil in order for me to understand what it really means to be holy.

The Devil is simply an idea; an imagination; a contracted interpretation of things collectively known as Undesirables. But 'Undesirables' is just relative to one's own list of Desirables. Meaning, it is a thought. It differs in each individual. The Devil is just a thought. Therefore, when I say "the Devil is my Friend", I mean nothing but just to plainly say I want to befriend my thought; my own imaginations; my own idea and to draw much benefit from it after understanding what it really is. 

Understanding the Devil is not exactly keeping the Devil alive in me and then make it a hobby to keep screwing others. Rather in a wise manner it only means understanding my own mind; my own interpretation and then make it a tool for a spontaneous act of compassion or love. 

Along the way, the Devil doesn't exist as a separate scumbag. On a wider understanding, it is a friendly companion, an inseparable aspect of the whole understanding that there can never be Holy without the Devil.