Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Glamour of Death


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Death is like the moment before you were born.
Since we are still alive, talking about death always comes from a biased point of view. That's one of the greatest mysteries. We really like talking about things we don't have any experience at all. Like death. We can only make unending one-sided assumptions about it. But since we can agree that death is the ceasing of the moment and never to come back again we can manage to have the joy of discussing it in this term.

"I am afraid to die" is an honest statement; it is as noble as it could be if spoken with utmost reverence to the truth of this ultimate end-game.

Death is humbling. Death is always lurking. It comes always on a single blow and everything disappears. Death comes without convincing. Death arrives in the helpless face of withdrawal. Death takes everyone without warning.

This is the truth: that all that has ever lived has died and all that's living will going to die. Yes, we don't hear a lot of people talking about it like when they do talking about that disgusting neighbor of them. Nor we hear people taking this subject as a worthy pass-time as opposed to lively chat taking place in a night over a flood of wine. Oh, that dress is awesome. The gourmet tastes so good. And during these moments, when mind indulges so much of what it has been desiring for, the moment of ecstatic living runs in the veins like a fire that never runs out of good flame. But soon the flame dies. And when it does, the mind runs to every place and to every corner to look for the burning flame of living again and again all the while refusing to carry all along what lies beneath.

Or maybe, Death is extremely serious stuff you don't talk about in a party. In fact, this is the exact reason why people avoided engaging about it. Or at least subconsciously they do avoid to deal with it. The fact is enormously compelling that death itself is overwhelmingly convincing the mind to reject it outright most of the time.

There is something beyond death (or at least it is imagined to be so). But what's beyond is a complete mystery; a bizarrely unknown realm the mind can't comprehend. And that is why humans are afraid of death. There might be a blood-sucking monster out there. Or a fiery place of unending flesh grilling or a whole new world made-up of oven and toaster.

It happens that society is aimed at cultivating a culture, a mentality, trying to avoid death. Living as long as anyone can is the norm. And the norm is so naturally so for almost everyone that bringing out the topic of death comes like a rain in the Sahara Desert. Vanity, power, money or social status is what occupies human mind most of the time. The cultivation is veered towards keeping and seeking what is taught and thought to be important.

Of course everything comes to end. All end in the box with feet leveled for those who are quite lucky. But understanding that Death is not as horribly murky as it is registered in the mind is a good start. It is the better-half of Living. This is a critical acceptance. Well-being starts here. Can never start anywhere else. The late British Philosopher Allan Watts famously said that death is like a manure. As a manure fertilizes plants, the contemplation on death brings a fruitful  living.

We struggle to keep everything intact. We go out to our daily lives always looking for something to complete our senses. We look for everything except death (naturally it is so). But this is the paradox we refuse to accept. That no matter what, at the end of the day, the most we could end up to is the thing we always run away from. However, either we refuse or not, doesn't really matter. It will not change the end-game.

Oh boy, when the sun set down...a whole new life begins. Death is like the moment before you were born.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

My Early Journey to Here and Now


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Mooji said, "I can never tell you who or what I AM. I can only tell you what I AM NOT".

For you who happens to stumble on this, you will feel in your heart what is it that you're reading. I don't need to explain because you will know it in yourself what we are trying to get into.  I want to tell the story how did I arrive here. Simple story. This may serve something or may serve not.

When I was young my Christian parents taught me to believe in God. I did well at it. I served in various church groups of equally God-believing youths. I believed that there was someone who sits in heavenly throne looking and taking care of us.

Everything changed after few years. Out of logical reasons, I came to a point I rejected the existence of God and was once even called evil by a church elderly. For several years, I was agnostic about this thing called God and Church. But never again spent a time debating with anyone who professed he's a die-hard fan of God. I kept my new-found "religion"  on my own. My parents tried to convince me to come back to the "flock", referring to the Church, but I had to politely ignore it by saying I will when time comes.

Then an unforgettable experience came several years after, one early morning while I was still on bed. I thought I was dreaming. I felt like I was pulled up by an intense vortex of blissful sensation. The color was sky blue. And the ecstasy was swirling in an unexplainable serenity. After that I spent one week of strange spiritual high. No problems just pure joy and happiness throughout the day for a week.

When the sensation had gone, I wondered what it was. So I begun to do some research about it to get back at it. My first key words at Google was "how to attain blissfulness". I encountered lots of new ideas like meditation music and guides, i-Doser sounds, etc; then Yoga and Buddha things. And slowly every thing fall in to each own place until I was directed into a website where I first met my online guru Mooji.

Last thing I know is that I am asking this question "WHO AM I?". I think, my self-searching really started on this question. The question was so simple but magical in nature for me. I was drawn into it. And this mind cannot resist to have the enquiry like a wheel that is going on an on an on.

And now here I am......an ardent self-searcher. WHO AM I? You... who are you?

The Devil is my Friend


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The Outcast
I never had a desire to be holy. But if I do I would do it in a rather unconventional way. Befriend first the one thing that people have thought they hate for ages. THE DEVIL.

Well, I tell you what, loving the devil might be the best thing I can ever do in my life. I have the stomach to do it. I got good guts. If I want holy exemplars, history has lots to show. But they are not the ones I will emulate. I have already chosen the one I think has appeal to me:

There are lots of reason I should have rejected the devil at the first place. But as I see it, it would be unproductive and uninteresting for me to indulge in outright holiness without first tasting what people thought they know a lot but in truth know a little about.

The Devil or Outcast One is the receiving end of all blames why a prostitute kills the fetus inside her; or a central banker cheating people with his fractional reserve system; or a politician paying lip service for things that ought to be done. However, after all what's been said and done, the Outcast One is the less understood one. The Devil is thought to have already been comprehended crystal clear as an unwanted guy and thus needed to be avoided and be cursed. Yet, its nature being cast in the shadows, the Devil at the same time remains as a symptom of people's ignorance on what they are up against with.

Here is the spoiler. The Devil doesn't exists! It doesn't look like you can make a census count of it. You know why? Because the mind is the Devil itself. That is why it is less understood.

Having said that, let me go back to the main topic about how holiness can be attained through the Devil.

Holiness should not come about as a product of an effort to practice it outright everyday. Holiness will  come as an spontaneous effect of a clear understanding of the contrast. And this is why the Devil appropriately enters the scene. It is for me, for no other reason, to know first what is the Devil in order for me to understand what it really means to be holy.

The Devil is simply an idea; an imagination; a contracted interpretation of things collectively known as Undesirables. But 'Undesirables' is just relative to one's own list of Desirables. Meaning, it is a thought. It differs in each individual. The Devil is just a thought. Therefore, when I say "the Devil is my Friend", I mean nothing but just to plainly say I want to befriend my thought; my own imaginations; my own idea and to draw much benefit from it after understanding what it really is. 

Understanding the Devil is not exactly keeping the Devil alive in me and then make it a hobby to keep screwing others. Rather in a wise manner it only means understanding my own mind; my own interpretation and then make it a tool for a spontaneous act of compassion or love. 

Along the way, the Devil doesn't exist as a separate scumbag. On a wider understanding, it is a friendly companion, an inseparable aspect of the whole understanding that there can never be Holy without the Devil. 

Friday, June 15, 2012

This Too is Just a Thought.


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Believing a thought is a thought.
Unbelieving a thought is also a.....thought? Are you sure?
What other options left for me to pick from then?
Heaven is a damned hell, and;
Hell is a damned heaven
Everything is just a thought.

This is the essence of meditation and yoga.
....to be choiceless (of course this too is a thought).
Finding out who you are;
Is just the same as finding who you are not.
The key is: Cease the struggle by not trying to cease it.
Because who you are isn't found out there. Not even in there.

It is where it is. That is who you are. 
 

What is the Purpose?


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So I want a new car? A new pair of shoes? A sophisticated wristwatch? I can get them... I will go get them. All for the purpose of nothing but to make me feel better. I have countless desires. It includes getting my daughter to a high-end school and good and healthy life for my wife. Because not getting what I dream for them will surely cause feelings contrary to that makes me feel better.

In fact everything we do is aimed at making each step closer to being happier, isn't it? If not, then all the things we spend physical and mental effort are for naught. Everything we do is to dissipate or minimize entropy in our body. We try to stay as whole as possible, doing anything we can to ward-off sadness, humiliation, disgust, regrets and any feelings that is not associated with pleasure. We always aim to feel better and better.
Ramana Maharshi - the Sage knows what the Purpose is

There is nothing wrong with that. This just shows that it is our nature to be happy as much time as possible. It is our nature not to be consumed in sadness and to live a life with utter joy and comfort being free of worries, being loved, being noticed, being given importance, being considered, and being respected. We want happiness. Not just a glimpse of it. Not just a taste of it. We want it whole.

But why there are times no matter how we wanted the feeling of happiness to last, there is always a point where everything reckons back against the initial feeling of lightness. We even feel anxious that the current feeling of joy will end soon. Smiles turns to tears. Hope becomes despair. Sweet romance becomes hatred. Pleasure become pain. We never had what we really wanted. We just had a glimpse of it. We just had a taste of it. Never been ours wholly.

If it is true that our nature is happiness, then why can we not find a way to sustain it in a lifetime? What is the reason why majority of us spend majority of the time not feeling the "to feel better" thing? What is wrong with us?

Has anyone found the answer? That is the purpose.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Laziness is Just One Part of Human Nature


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Sorry for using a monkey for this post.
People are inherently lazy. That is how I see it. The mind demands ends by the least possible means.

Being lazy works for both the extremes: the lazy poor (the one who waits dole outs) and the lazy rich (the one who feast on somebody else's labor). They all wanted ends on lesser means.

Human nature is the problem of the world.

However, why this world is still rolling is that between those extremes there lies the staying power of men who never lost self-respect and dignity and well-intended ingenuity. They are the ones who recognize that ends must be acquired through means that need honest labor and real sweat and creativity.

So if human nature is the problem of the world, human nature can still very well serve to correct it. And it is the only way. Regaining self-respect and recognizing dignity are what makes humans happy and contented deep inside.

Where Did I Come From?


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 Do I know where or how my dream world in my sleep begin? In the same manner, am I going to find out how this thing called LIFE started?

While immersed in a dream while asleep, no matter how I try, I can't know how did I arrive there. Puff! I am there! Snap of fingers and my consciousness is all into it. All physical senses are in it. I interact within it. Sometimes I feel fear, joy, anger and sexual orgasm. But what was the state prior to being there? What brought me in there?  I found myself in a park. Did I ride or walk?

And in the same sense, will I ever know how this life came about? I eat, exercise, take medicine, talk with people, talk with myself, have sex, cry, laugh, and sleep and to dream while sleeping. I can't even remember the first five years of my life. Who am I or what am I before birth? What does the statement "Be thankful you were brought to life" means? Thankful to what? To whom? For what? Will I ever know it? Why?

I can't really know the very start of it all. A dream? A life? What is the difference? Both worlds require awareness or consciousness  to be felt. Consciousness is the only way I feel this being. Which is the real "real" then? Or are they both dreams? Or are they both real? Or perhaps are they just one? 

The eagerness of humans to decipher the origin of time or the origin of life brought him to complex analysis of the realm perceived. Lots of theories about the quest. But I wonder a lot at this moment.. Since LIFE maybe is also a DREAM, will humans ever get to realize what is constantly sought after? With all the seemingly concrete ideas about this universe...maybe...maybe... the farthest distance human will ever reach, though humans don't recognized as such, is still NOTHING.

The work of the scientists to know the beginning of time is no more than like and can never be greater than or nobler than that of a person consumed in dream sleep whose assumed character is asking "how did I get here?". A scientist and a dreaming person have no distinctions whatsoever. Both of them are dreamers. Like the unique world that happens in a dream sleep, though consciousness is spent while in it, there will be no way to know how everything really started.

Maybe I am just beginning to kick myself off the bed of unconsciousness,"HEY WAKE UP!"